Unless.

Watching A League of Their Own—everybody laughs at Tom Hanks’s line, “Anyone ever tell you you look like a penis wearing a hat?”

Rooby: Ha ha! “Anyone ever tell you you look like a penis wearing a hat?”

Me: It’s a funny line in the movie, but don’t actually say that to anyone.

Rooby: Ok, but why? It’s funny.

Me: Because people don’t like to be told they look like a penis wearing a hat, so they wouldn’t think it’s funny. They would think it’s unkind.

Rooby: Unless they actually are a penis.

Pee-Wee.

Rooby to D, who is watching Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure: What’s this?

D: Just come watch it with me.

Rooby, when Pee-Wee (whom she loves) comes on screen: OH. NO. I’ve seen this.

D: I don’t think you really remember it. You’ll enjoy it.

Rooby: Tell me this: Does his bike get stolen? Is he sad?

D: Well yes, but in the end—

Rooby: IS. HE. SAD.

D: For a while—

Rooby: Then no.

Nature.

Me: Come watch this show! It’s about snow leopards!

Rooby, reluctantly complying: I know this show is about nature.

Me: You get to see where the snow leopards live!

Rooby: Mama, I don’t really want to watch animals walk around all day.

Babies.

Facebook just reminded me of this conversation from a sleepover we hosted a year ago.

Voices calling to me from the dining room:

Rooby: Mom, are people animals?

Me: Yes

Alice: Are babies animals?

Me: Yes

Alice: WHAT

Avery: What kind of animal are they?

Me: Human beings

Avery: No, babies

Me: Baby human beings

Avery: WHAT