The 20 points of being me.

1. We are planning a wedding. (Honestly, at this point my mother is doing most of the work. But the daily reminders of things that we need to do and things that we need to pay for are beginning to push us to the edge, for all the reasons listed below.)

2. Last week, D’s car died on the highway halfway between Crossett and Fayetteville (about 2 1/2 hours from both). Seriously, D was picking pieces of shrapnel out from under the hood. Apparently, the engine just exploded. We’d been in Crossett for a wedding shower so the car was stuffed full of crystal and other fine housewares. And Daisy Mae. D’s dad and brother drove up from Crossett with a trailer hitch, drove us and our dog and our fine housewares back to Fayetteville, and turned around and drove the car back to Crossett where it is being sold for scrap.

3. As I believe I have mentioned before, in addition to my regular teaching load, I am directing EIGHT masters theses and sitting on three (maybe four?) dissertation committees.

4. This past weekend, D and I had to drop everything, rent a car (an electric blue PT Cruiser which was, seriously, the most absurd thing ever to hit an American highway), and drive five hours to a Catholic marriage preparation retreat just outside of St. Louis. From 8pm Friday to 5pm Sunday—with two 7-hour breaks to sleep—we did nothing but work on our communications skills, receive less than subtle hints from the presiding priest that we were evil fornicators because we already cohabitate, resist the urge to be nasty about the Natural Family Planning indoctrination, and, I don’t know, get with God. We rolled back into town late Sunday night, got drunk, and watched the Arkansas-Alabama game which D had DVRed. The Hogs had their asses handed to them.

5. I am trying to put my book proposal together. I am undergoing my third-year review.

6. Monday morning, when we went to return the PT Cruiser, our remaining car—my ’95 Nissan Altima with 150,000 miles on it—wouldn’t start. For a while, it’s had trouble starting, which up to this point has meant that every once in a while you have to go under the hood and hit something with a hammer until it starts up. This time we had to hit something with a hammer for about half an hour before it worked.

7. D just informed me that he has some Amy Grant song stuck in his head. He said, “It’s killing me.” Now I have an Amy Grant song stuck in my head. It is killing me.

8. Yesterday, Daisy Mae graduated from Beginning Obedience! She is very good at Sit-Stay and even better at Down-Stay. I am going to frame her diploma.

9. After we left the Canine Connection last night, we were going to go home, feed Daisy, and head to George’s Majestic to see Jenny Lewis open for Conor Oberst. I am not a big Conor Oberst fan, but I had decided that it was worth spending $25 each for us to go see Jenny Lewis because she is just about my favorite singer these days and I thought that in the midst of all this chaos it would be rejuvenating to see her live. The Altima, parked outside the Canine Connection, would not start. D banged on something under the hood, in the dark, for an hour, while I tried to start it and Daisy Mae chewed on a pile of unpaid bills in the back seat. It never started. We got a friend to come pick us up and take us home which was very generous of him because he “doesn’t like big dogs” and so did not particularly want the new graduate in his truck and when we finally got home we discovered that I had left the keys in the ignition of the abandoned Altima and we were locked out of the house.

10. We sent our friend away because we were about to lose it with each other.

11. D got into the house through the back door. We let Daisy in and she ran out the front door and out into the street and D went chasing after her and some asshole in a Camaro came tearing down our street and D was terrified that he was going to hit Daisy so he jumped in front of the car to stop it and it just tore on around him and I heard all the screeching and yelling from inside and I needed a shot of whiskey to carry on.

12. D was fine. Daisy was fine. We got another friend—one Sweet Voice C, who is a godsend and loves our dog—to come pick us up to take us to the show. We stood in a huge line outside George’s listening to Jenny Lewis and her band play her set inside. I nearly lost it and yelled some very unkind things about Conor Oberst until I was informed that the young woman behind us had driven all the way from Kansas just to see Conor Oberst because she loves him so much and I realized that I was a horrible person and made the very Christian decision not to spread my own misery but just to drown it in cheap beer as soon as I got inside.

13. One of the reasons I am leaning on the crutch of alcohol is that my insurance recently increased the co-pay for my anti-depressants to $50 a month which I can’t really afford so I’ve been conserving pills by not taking them as often as I should.

14. We got inside in time to hear the end of Jenny Lewis’s set. I drank several Bud Lights and watched Conor Oberst and thought about how overrated he is and all the other ways we might have spent $50 such as a month’s supply of Lexapro. We came home and watched tv.

15. Three shows into the first season, it is clear to me that Fringe sucks, and I had really, really hoped that it would be good.

16. Our house is not only an absolute nightmare of untidiness and filth, but apparently infested with fleas. Our feet, ankles, and legs are covered in bites.

17. Now D has to go deal with the Altima in the parking lot of the Canine Connection. I think this will involve replacing the thing under the hood we have been hitting with a hammer and hoping that then it starts because if not then we will have officially become a no-car household. How Green of us.

18. I can’t remember the last time I went to the gym.

19. We can’t remember the last time we watched a movie.

20. I have to finish my coffee and walk to work.

13 thoughts on “The 20 points of being me.

  1. you really don’t have anything going on, do you?

    All I can say is sharing an Amy Grant ear worm is grounds for divorce, if anyone asks (you don’t even have to be married first!).

    And congrats on being so green.

    *passes over some chocolate*

  2. 15. Three shows into the first season, it is clear to me that Fringe sucks, and I had really, really hoped that it would be good.

    Ditto. Only you gave it one more episode than I did. I pulled the plug last week.

  3. Yuck what a week – or was that a month. Considering the fleas, the cars, the drivers, the thesis advising, the Catholic indoctrination, the wedding preparations and the line at the concert, I’d be in the middle of Lexington Avenue screaming at the traffic by now. Oh, I did that. That was before I started the antidepressants and stopped the alcohol.

    If the Altima is like my car, it’s the starter, which I have hit successfully a few times myself. But then, there are lots of things under the hood of these machines, and I can’t even point to them all, let alone name them.

    Be good to yourself. The Lexapro is probably still cheaper, day by day, than the alcohol, even though the latter is more fun and tastes better. Deflea the dog – I think the fleas should pine away to a lonely death if the dog has a good flea collar (but maybe not- hm – better check). Sing some karaoke. Cohabit with glee. Read a funny book you’re not teaching about. and so on and so forth.

    I’m off to take my own advice as much as possible.

  4. Sorry to hear about your car troubles.

    I’ve seen the first two episodes of Fringe. I liked the first. The second wasn’t impressive. Haven’t seen the third one yet. If every episode is the result of some weird experiment by the nut, I’m going to be disappointed.

  5. the fringe???

    the fringe is a show with a dude from dawson’s creek. on fox, i believe.

    i think this slip in aesthetic judgment is the key to all your other miseries. i wish i could say my life was better but i watched the mentalist and was mildly amused.

  6. #13

    If you’re on Citolopram, I’m cutting down to half a pill a day. I’d totally give you the other half (I also only pay $10, I am so so so sorry).

    -Amy B.

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