D’s email announcement:
Subject: Guess What?
And if you think sending out this mass e-mail is romantic, you should have been at the celebratory barbecue. (Hiring a sky writer just wasn’t cost efficient. Those people charge by the letter. “D—- J—— Hearts E—— A. Z—— 4-Ever+1” would have sunk me. ALSO: water towers are way too heavily defended nowadays. Barbed wire and such.)
Anyways, I don’t know a damned thing about when we’re actually going to do this, but you’ll all be invited to the raging post-nuptial party we’re gonna throw in the ‘ville. However, you are not allowed at the short ceremony in NYC. Seriously. Her grandmother likes me at this point. I can’t have her meeting the riff-raff I like to call “people I care for deeply.” I don’t see any of you nearly enough, but the less Grandma sees, the better.
I’ll keep you posted.
My email announcement:
OK, friends, brace yourselves.
Remember how weird it was when I moved to Arkansas a couple years ago? Well, try this one on: I’m getting married.
D, his cat Ophelia, and I have been living under one roof since November, but I had no idea he was going to get down on one knee (in front of BOTH sets of parents) during a barbecue at our house a couple weeks ago.
Yes, it’s a crime, but we really are that happy. We’re planning a very tiny, family-only ceremony in New York in the fall, followed by an enormous ass-kicking extravaganza in Fayetteville. Expect invitations to the latter.
My email to the core ladies:
Subject: MAJOR UPDATE
This is a special announcement for Core Ladies.
I’m getting married.
Ms. F: Holy shit, Congratulations, Arkansan Bachelorette! Cannot wait for details.
El Pres: details please. is there a ring?
VP: next level – are you having ‘sas bachelorette?…because obviously you’re having a bachelorette. I’m so glad we have another wedding to discuss on ladies…that’s not mine. I’m so excited…where will the wedding be…when are you planning to do it? Ladies that wed is lady.
Excerpt from phone conversation with Grandma and Grandpa:
Me: I’m getting married!
Grandpa: Which one?