People keep asking me who won Wednesday night’s epic battle. Let’s do as Gil Grissom would do and let the evidence tell the story, shall we?
EZ’S CREW: This is why they’re hot.
Lady Z to challenger Sweet Voice C: “Hit Me With Your Best Shot.” Notice Sweet Voice running from stage in terror.
Sweet Voice C counters with an unexpectedly fly “Push It,” complete with rehearsed dance moves.
Lady Z, realizing what she’s up against, breaks out the Britney.
Sweet Voice recruits help from the lovely Miss M for “No Scrubs.”
She thinks she’s scary. But we ain’t never scared.
Interlude: Triple Threat likes big butts and he cannot lie.
He likes ’em round and big.
So find that juicy double…
…Triple Threat’s in trouble!
EZ’s Crew DOMINATES the stage. What did they sing? Ask, rather, what didn’t they sing?
Unfortunately, around this point my camera ran out of batteries, so we’ll have to turn to non-visual media.
Exhibit G: Overheard at the table
One of Lady Z’s Students to Sweet Voice: Secretly, I think you won.
Lady Z to Student: Um, hello? I’m RIGHT HERE.
Student to Lady Z: Yeah, I know.
Exhibit H: Email from Sweet Voice to Lady Z the next day
Last night was fun, but I think that I must hang up my karaoke shoes. I truly admire your talent and dedication to the craft of karaoke. I’m a performer, not a karaoke singer. There is no place for me in your world. Thank you for allowing me a glimpse of what it means to be a karaoke queen.
Sweet Voice C
Note: She really did send that to me. Believe me or don’t.
Exhibit I: Letter from Lady Z to Dancenhance Entertainment
Dear Anna [KJ extraordinaire]
I want to thank you for providing our karaoke party so perfectly in response to a desperate, last-minute request. For the record, I’ll reiterate our situation: another professor and I had promised our students an end-of-semester karaoke party, and learned just a week before the event that not all of our students would be able to get into our local karaoke bar, which doesn’t admit anyone under 21. In something of a panic, I Googled “karaoke northwest arkansas” and immediately found Dancenhance’s website. I was completely won over by your staff profiles and crossed my fingers as I emailed you.
I still can’t believe that you were able to come through for us (at the exact date and time I requested), and would have been relieved to get anything, regardless of quality. But you guys are by far the best karaoke providers I’ve found anywhere in the area. Your song selection is fantastic, and I especially like how up-to-date it is. (Sweet Voice C and I had long given up on offering our stirring rendition of “Umbrella” at You Know Uno’s. Their loss.) I love the multiple mics and the two-way screen. And I am infinitely grateful that you offer a weekly karaoke night at Jose’s, which anyone can attend and where those who need alcohol to sing are indulged. I was shocked at how hard it was to find just such a karaoke situation in Fayetteville. Dancenhance is a hero of the local karaoke industry.
I will use Dancenhance for all my future karaoke events here, and make a point of coming out to Jose’s again. Thank you for saving the night and indulging our enthusiasm with professional expertise and friendliness. My colleagues have dubbed me the local “karaoke missionary,” and I assure you I will spread the word on your exceptional services.
Lady Z, a.k.a. EZ, Karaoke Queen
So who won? I think the answer is clear. As always, the KARAOKE won. It shall not be defeated.