Today’s useful how-to.

Today’s list of “how to” links from my personalized Google homepage offered to teach me several fun, quirky skills essential to modern-day bourgeois living: How to Set up an Arm Bar from the Closed Guard in Jiu Jitsu, How to Make Cat Jungle Gyms and Playgrounds, and How to Adopt a Baby from China.

Adopting a child from China could be an exciting opportunity for your family, but you’ll have many papers to file before the pitter-patter of little feet fills your home. The international adoption process is time-consuming, arduous and expensive – it can take up to 18 months and cost as much as $20,000 – but it’s well worth the effort.

That does sound like an exciting opportunity! And who can resist this visual, with original caption:

Perhaps your newest family member?

Awww. That’s so cute that maybe you won’t even notice, when you follow the image link, that it’s actually a picture of some real Chinese person’s baby, taken by a tourist on her visit to Xian. So, no, that is not perhaps your newest family member, because that particular baby is not for sale.

No worries, though. I’m sure Chinese orphans are just as adorable—who can tell Asians apart anyway? Just remember, after you get your Chinese baby, that it’s not all just cuddles ‘n’ fun; you’ll have to spend some time getting your little bundle of joy acclimated to your lifestyle. Some tips:

…make sure that the breed is compatable with your lifestyle. Be clear about your motives for wanting a dog – are you looking for a show dog? a protection animal? or just a family pet? Learn how a typical dog of your chosen breed behaves and whether that is a fit for your lifestyle. Keep in mind how much room your dog will have, how much exercise you plan on providing daily, grooming needs, and the “drool and hair factor.”

Oops, that’s from How to Buy a Purebred Puppy. My bad. Still, with a baby, maybe you should think about the “drool and hair factor.” In addition,

Try to find an adoptee group of local or international adoptees or join and online forum who has international adoptees and ask questions. Removal from their culture can have a serious impact on a child, such as feelings of not belonging or being out-of-touch.

If your baby is a little grumpy-gills about such “identity issues,” I would suggest getting it one of those charming little couture carriers that are all over the Upper East Side—they sure make Fifi feel special!

And now you’re good to go! Happy ‘dopting!

5 thoughts on “Today’s useful how-to.

  1. The personalized google How-To’s can be hilarious.

    You are evil though, seamlessly moving between adoption and pet-acquisition. Very evil. First glance made me think you were just highlighting the two and then I read it.

    Now to go find something productive to do at work…*sigh*

    • Little Evil Me.

      I should state for the record that I generally think parents who adopt (any child) are wonderful human beings. Adoption is a practice I whole-heartedly encourage. But there’s something about the American upper-class fashion for Asian babies—and the culture’s casual attitude about acquiring said babies—that turns my stomach.

      Of course, not all American parents of Asian children are guilty of following fashion.

      And I do admit that I think Asian babies are way cute—but, then, I’m biased. 😉

      Happy productivity…

      • Re: Little Evil Me.

        Oh, I totally agree that parents who adopt are amazing people.

        I just got caught in the “a cool post about adoption children….and wtf? she’s talking about dogs and now I’m confused and…and…oooooohh that was evil.”

        Not that I mind the evil. Evil is good sometimes 🙂

        As for productivity, I think I’m going to give up on it. Too much distracting stuff to read on lj.

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