Item 1: The NYTimes reports that scientists found fossils of a fish with a “transitional footlike structure” and went WILD:
In an interview, Dr. Shubin, an evolutionary biologist, let himself go. “It’s a really amazing, remarkable intermediate fossil,” he said. “It’s like, holy cow.”
It’s like, totally holy cow. Dude.
Item 2: According to IMDb Celebrity News, “Cruise Denies Adult Pacifier for Holmes”:
Tom Cruise has hit out at reports he has bought an adult pacifier to keep fiancee Katie Holmes quiet during childbirth. The heavily pregnant actress plans to adhere to strict Scientology rules and give birth without screaming, crying or making loud noises, and Star magazine insisted Cruise would help by providing a specially designed device to bite. A source tell the magazine, “He commissioned an adult-sized ‘binky’ for her to clench between her teeth, hoping that it’ll squelch her screams. In keeping with a Scientology silent birth, Tom is prepared to do whatever it takes to muffle Katie’s moans and groans during the delivery.” Cruise’s publicist Arnold Robinson has dismissed the reports as nonsense. On Tuesday fellow Scientologist John Travolta lent his support to the controversial birth plans.
I have only two comments: 1. If anyone ever attaches the modifier “heavily pregnant” to me, even if it happens to be true, I will kick that person until he cries; and 2. For some reason I can’t quite figure out, I find the phrase “Katie’s moans and groans” strikingly lewd. Also the word “squelch.” It’s grossing me out.
OK, I have one more comment: Tom Cruise is totally nuts. Dude.
Item 3, perhaps the most shocking of all: The New Yorker’s Shouts & Murmurs is funny for once! Thank you, George Saunders, for this tidbit of cultural commentary:
I used to love music, back when it had melody and chords and lyrics. But now it has no melody and no chords, just thwack-thwacking, and they even seem to be cutting back on the thwack-thwacking, so now it’s sometimes just thwa, and, as far as lyrics, do you consider these lyrics?
Hump my hump,
My stumpy lumpy hump!
Hump my dump, you lumpy slumpy dump!
I’ll dump your hump, and then just hump your dump,
You lumpy frumply clump.
I’m sorry. To me? Those are not lyrics.
I believe I snorted my coffee at “my stumpy lumpy hump.” There, I just did it again.
( I just noticed that Michael at Bookslut quoted this same piece. Does that make me cool?)