In which Lady Z and her sister plan (and execute) an Oscars party.

Me: How would one would make a Brokeback Martini?
sillygirl84: Well, it would have to be something really manly, but also, um…
Me: A little fruity?

Thus we shall be drinking something along the lines of a scotch-and-raspberry/cranberry cocktail. I also stocked up on Jake’s Fault, a.k.a. the “I Wish I Knew How to Quit You” shiraz.

See you all at the other end of the red carpet.

Update 1:
Later, at the drinks table:
Me: What do we drink these out of? I guess cowboys wouldn’t drink them out of martini glasses.
sillygirl84: No, they’d drink them out of cow bladders or something.
Me: I don’t think we have any of those.

Update 2:
It turns out there is no way to make a Brokeback Martini that doesn’t taste like Robitussin, so we drowned the concoction in Diet Coke and redubbed it the Wyoming Iced Tea.

Also, George Clooney is smokin’ hot.

Update 3:
We have decided to post our predicted winners as we try to choke down our festive drinks.

Best Supporting Actress:
Amy Adams should win; Rachel Weisz will win

Best Supporting Actor:
sillygirl84: Paul Giamatti should win; William Hurt will win
Me: The smokin’ hot George Clooney should and will win

Best Actor:
Heath Ledger should win; Philip Seymour Hoffman will win

Best Actress:
Felicity Huffman should and will win

Best Animated Feature:
sillygirl84: Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit should and will win
Me: Howl’s Moving Castle should and will win

Best Director:
Ang Lee should and will win

Best Picture:
Brokeback Mountain should and will win

OK, they’re starting. Please note that even though I did not predict Jake Gyllenhaal for Best Supporting Actor, I would still make out with him.

Update 4:
…on the March of the Penguins acceptance speech: “There’s nothing more fantastic than a bunch of middle-aged French men holding enormous stuffed penguins.”

…on the performance of the song from the Crash soundtrack: “I think there’s interpretive dance going on. Is this about race?”

…on the same performance when one interpretive dancer’s hand inexplicably burst through the thighs of another as they stood in front of a burning car: “OH MY GOD those people just totally mutually masturbated in public.”

Update 5:
Z (who has joined us): Wow, Tom Hanks has really come a long way. In a downward direction.

Final update:
We are delighted that Ang Lee won Best Director and believe he gave the classiest acceptance speech of the evening. However, immediately upon his departure from the stage, the Oscars plunged into bizarro world.

sillygirl84 (as the producers of Crash make their way to the stage to accept the Best Picture award, a full 10 seconds after Jack Nicholson annouced their win): Wait, did Crash really win? Maybe he lied. Did he lie?

That’s it, folks. Thanks for playing.

5 thoughts on “In which Lady Z and her sister plan (and execute) an Oscars party.

  1. I think cowboys would use those blue enamelware mugs, but it’s been a long time since I’ve been to Wyoming.

    Hey, one of my bartending books says a ‘Cowboy Cocktail’ is scotch with a dash of light cream. I mean, how absolutely appropriate is that? 😉

  2. Philip Seymour Hoffmann was far better than Heath Ledger and I would fight you to the death over that.

    Why? Because Truman Capote was amazing but so insane. His particulars are something that no one could naturally have. What did Heath have to do? Pretend to be gay in a rough awkward manner. Philip Seymour Hoffman had to do something so amazing, so extrodinary and he pulled it off.

    And the Tom Hanks bit, that was a remake of an old award show clip. That was the joke. Bleh.

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